Daily Spam: Lindsay Lohan Is A Thief (Again)

Lindsay Lohan, she of the ombre face tan and straight-to-DVD movies, is now officially a suspect in the theft of $100,000 worth of watches and glasses. Last Sunday, she and her assistant Gavin Doyle partied all night long at the mansion of one Sam Magid (we can almost feel the cocaine comedown from here). But apparently miscellaneous white powder wasn't all they were racking — Sam filed a report with the police stating that some of his lavish possessions were missing, and that Lindsay and Gavin were behind it. 

Despite the fact that he has since decanted his story, (for reasons unknown), police are not letting the investigation go. According to the last bastion of truth and journalistic integrity, TMZ, officials believe they have independent witnesses who can attest that Li-Lo and her assistant Gav-Do are indeed guilty.

Let it be noted that Lindsay is already on probation for jewelry theft (she allegedly stole a necklace from a boutique in Venice, LA). All this despite the fact that she herself was targeted in the Bling Ring robberies, the story of which is being adapted for the silver screen by Sofia Coppola, set for a 2013 release.

When the Magid case was first reported, police accidentally questioned the world's oldest Facebook user, under the erroneous impression that she was in fact Ms. Lohan*. Florence Detlor, age 101, appeared confused and disoriented when she heard knocks on her door, claiming, "[I'm just] looking for a good book to read."

*This is completely untrue and we are just playing on the universal human truth that all jokes at Lindsay Lohan's expense are good jokes.

Ingrid Kesa