Will + Kate = Fate
A royal wedding! We have some good advice for the bride...
Prince William and Kate Middleton have announced their engagement! Maybe you already heard about this because you follow the British Monarchy on twitter, or because (like me) the news interrupted your late night viewing of Parenthood.
There are some haters who are all "Why should I even care about this?" or "William should be mine!" and even "Prince William is the anti-Christ!" Shush y'all! With all the sadness and broken hearts in the world, including the poor Cyrus family, it's always nice to celebrate brand new love (lol, jk! Will and Kate have been together for like 90,000 years).
So, Kate, here are our suggestions for the wedding, for which we have wracked our brains the internet:
Don't do the Chris Brown wedding dance because it's sooooo 2009. Unless the Queen is really behind on internet memes and you only just showed her the Chris Brown wedding dance and she really enjoyed it. (Quick tip if this is the case: She will lose her MIND over Brodyquest.)
Do have official engagement photographs, preferably dressed all in white and at the park.
Don't book your wedding for the same date as your best friend, and if you do, don't sacrifice your lifelong friendship for the sake of the perfect wedding (see: wedding documentary based on the real life experiences of Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson, Bride Wars).
Don't release live birds and/or butterflies at the wedding, particularly indoors, because of the crap and the casualty rate. Live cats should be fine, though (and original, too!).
There's always the crazy uncle or aunt who gets wasted and noisy, watch out for that. The easy guess would be Philip, but Camilla could be the dark horse.
If William wants to perform a self-composed song of his love, veto it. You'll think it's romantic but everyone else will be vomiting, especially Fergie. She's got a low tolerance for schmaltz.
Finally, as "Prince of NSW" commented online, we wish you "Congtatiolations and long and happy marriage".
Words: Madeleine Atkins